Got this email tonight.

My dear Friend Caspar Green,

My name is Mrs Monica Jose , a Swedish. I am currently admitted in the hospital for a treatment of a brain tumor which I have been suffering for 14 years now. In fact I am contacting you because I want to make a humanitarian gesture to the location of all sensitive souls. My late husband and I had mobilized a small fortune that we want to invest in humanitarian works.

But considering my health condition now, I can no longer fulfill this project by myself. I want you to complete this project on my behalf.
I am contacting you after my few days prayers with believe that you are God's chosen one to complete this project in good faith. For a favorable opinion, please contact me for more information because I do not know what will happen anytime

Blessed in the name of our Lord.

Mrs Monica Jose

Sent back this reply.

My dear Mrs Monica Jose,

Can I call you Monica? Since we are already, so soon, without ever having met before, apparently on terms of endearment?

Also, I do love me a Swedish, which makes you all the more dear. I have nothing but fondness for Swedish meatballs, Swedish massage, the list goes on. Only I do wish the Swedish could match the Danish for pastries. But I digress.

How terrible that you have been suffering for 14 years with a brain tumor. And I can tell it has an adverse affect on your ability to write coherent English. I feel awful for you.

But fear not, my dear Monica! Your prayers were answered, and I am indeed God's chosen one. Though I have never successfully finished a project in my life up to now, I am certain with the small fortune you have mobilized, I can finally fulfill my calling, if only you will mobilize it quickly in my direction.

Yours, dear Monica, in Messianic delusion,


(Photo by the National Cancer Institute. If my dearest Monica ever does mobilize me a fortune, I'll make a donation.)