Some people have driers that eat socks.

Our drier eats bed sheets.

I’ve been going through the linen cabinets trying to find matching sets. We always buy bed sheets in matching sets.

Somehow I’ve ended up with:

  • Two fitted sheets for twin sized beds with matching pillow cases, but no top sheets.
  • Two matching pillow cases with no matching sheets at all.
  • At least 5 other single pillow cases with no matching sheets.
  • A pillow case and full-size top sheet with no second pillow case and no fitted sheet.
  • A pillow case and full-size fitted sheet with no second pillow case and no top sheet.
  • A bedspread for a full-size bed with one sham
  • A sham with no bedspread.

I can’t imagine where the missing items have gone. They have not been made into backdrops for puppet show theaters.

Unless they were packed in a moving box somewhere along the way and they’re still on the moving truck.

Or the drier ate them.

Or the same people who, we’re sure, stole our George Foreman grill but left the rest of the kitchen in tact one night — there’s no other explanation for why it’s missing — also raided the linen cabinet.

Or maybe I’ve encountered spontaneous conversion of stuff to dark matter.

That would be cool. A black hole in the back of the linen closet.

Maybe we could start a junk disposal business. Except that the closet always seems so full already. Apparently the black hole’s gravity only applies to odd parts of bed linens.

Surely, this is one of the great mysteries of the universe.